Undeserved Blessings

Sometimes, I smear my life with guilt.

I knowingly turned my back to God, even when He calls for me to go to Him.

When He blesses me, I take it for granted, then when He asks me for a favour, I spit in His face.

He still continues guide me through life though, but I push Him away and walk my own way.

At this point I know I don't deserve anything good, I deserve to be disciplined, I deserve the storm, I deserve to be punished.

Then at these times, God blesses me.

I'm completely like..

Whhaaaaattt???

Why would He bless me?
Wouldn't it be way more worth it to bless another who actually "deserves" the blessing?

God is really hard to understand at times.

Our minds are extremely small compared to His.

Alot of the time, we cannot even comprehend what God does in our lives.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. - Isaiah 50:8-9

In our eyes, we may see that bad deeds must be punished & good rewarded.
But God sees different, whether someone does good or bad, He loves.

It's truly amazing how He's able to do this, especially when we continuously sin against Him.

We can really learn from this. We should pray for a heart to love no matter what may happen to us.

We also shouldn't take our blessings for granted, we don't deserve any blessings from God, yet our life.

Everything we're given, we never deserved.

It is ALL by God's grace we are, we have, & we can be.

Think about what it'd feel like if your dad just started handing you $100 notes everyday all of a sudden. At first you'd be like, "woah, thanks so much dad, why?" You'll definitely know you did nothing to deserve it.

Then as the days turn to years, you'd probably start "getting used to it". I'm sure you'll start taking it for granted. When your dad stops giving you $100 for one day, you might even start to question & get angry at him.

Go right back to the start.

Where you were nothing, and God made you something.

Learn to be content with your life & every blessing God pours out in it.

Then hopefully blessings won't be taken for granted, but instead our hearts filled with gratitude.

Also, when life completely caves in, remember how God's ways are so much higher than ours, & everything He does is for the good of us.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

Until next time,

Godbless~

To My Surprise - Eowyn

Dug Deep Down

I have been digging a hole for the past..
maybe four years now.
Imagine four years worth of hole digging, this hole must be pretty darn deep by now, and it sure is.
It has started to become so deep, it has recently started to feel like my home, where I was meant to be all along.

When I first came across this digging site, there was a strong desire for me to dig.
At the same time, I knew it was wrong, but I was so curious, I wanted to dig a little & see what treasures I may be able to uncover. As my spade made contact with the first layer of soil, I felt guilt, I knew I wasn't supposed to be here.
This is the biggest mistake I've ever made.

But I did find treasures, earthly treasures.
They were so irresistible, my flesh couldn't resist at that time, my spirit was too weak to fight the temptation. Each time I went back to the hole for a dig, I felt no guilt, I just felt pleasure, temporarily.

Then one day, while I wasn't digging, I found the key to permanent pleasure.
Jesus. He's our real joy, He's the real deal. He can really give us eternal pleasure, unlike the world's, which keep us craving for more.
Then why have I still been digging the hole?
Well I didn't fully commit all of me to Him, I didn't fully trust in the pleasure He can most definitely give. There was still parts of me that were reluctant & still attached to the world.
So soon, the world got the best of me, & I searched for pleasure from the hole once again.

This time around though, every time I stopped digging, I knew I'd sinned against my Father. Each time, I felt guilt, I hated myself for going back to the hole, I confessed to God.
As I kept digging, going deeper, I got more frustrated. Sometimes I was even angry with God for allowing me to come back to the hole, when clearly I had started it myself.
This kept going on & on, sometimes my spirit was able to keep the flesh from digging deeper for a long period of time, but to this day, the hole continues to get deeper gradually.

I'm extremely desperate to get out of this hole, but it feels I've gone so deep that when I look up, I can't even see a speck of blue sky. At this point, nearly all guilt has left me, the hole has become my home.
It feels the only way left is down, that I'm closer to the bottom now.
It seems Satan has won me over..
No! I won't let it.

This is the closest I've come to telling anyone about this disgraceful hole I've been digging. I know it'll help if i do tell someone, but I've been so ashamed of it, it has never been an option at all.
I really hope one day, I may be able be completely free of this hole, I hope that my flesh may be willing to destroy the spade.

I also hope that, as you read this, you may be aware of how vulnerable our flesh is against the temptations of the world. If you may be digging a hole too, God has definitely shown us a way out, we just need to be willing to lay down every single bit of ourselves.
I assure you, the pleasure of being in a relationship with our Creator is so much more worth it, & you will never regret knowing Him.

 Start Again - Red

God is full of grace & mercy. It's amazing.

We can definitely start again with Him.

He will forgive us, it's a matter if you're willing to repent.

If you feel like you're at your end right now, you aren't.

God will let you start again, just turn to Him humbly & ask.

Godbless~

The Oath

It was another nice sunny day as I walked to school sometime in the year of 2010, my second year of high school. I was having my usual talk with God, feeling His beauty through His creation. This is when I swore an oath that I have been bounded by ever since.

I have never told anyone this, but I have to admit I tended to end up liking girls pretty easily then. I had always wanted to feel loved by another (other than my family) since.. when i was quite actually young. Having experienced the first year of high school, I knew I was going to get "desperate" sooner or later & make some extremely bad decisions.

That's when I swore the oath.
Something moved my heart that day, I said something along the lines of,
"God, I'm going to swear an oath, I promise I won't get into a relationship for all my days while I'm at high school."
I meant those words from the bottom of my heart when I said them that day.
It may really sound stupid, & to some extent, I actually do look back sometimes & think to myself, "really Jono, was there any point to that?"
Well there definitely was!

Swearing an oath to God is not something to be looked on lightly, I basically made a promise to the Creator of the universe, the one true God Himself.

After I swore this oath, on many occasions, I tried to "get around it" or even sometimes tried to break it.
Now this is where I'm glad I made this promise to God.
Every time I made this attempt, God stepped in. It would never go well, I would slam right into a brick wall, I would be forced to rethink & confess that I'd done wrong.
Well this shows how strong an oath to the LORD can be. It also strengthened my relationship with God.

Year after year, one brick wall after another I tried to break through, but God was & is gracious & wouldn't let me break my promise.
I have to admit, I made a promise that day, that I obviously couldn't keep.

Recently, I have been reminded of this promise & have been reflecting on my failure to keep this promise. I have been made to think, why is it so hard to keep, why am I searching for love.. when it has already been given to me?

I am loved. We are all loved.
Then why do we still so desperately search for love?

Sin.
This has caused us to forgot about the unmeasurable love we have already been given.
This has caused us to seek what we feel is love.

God loves us.
Why else would He create us, breathe life into us, even create us in His image.
Why would He send His only son, to die for us?
He definitely does love us.

Once we seal these truths into us, I can assure you, your desire for this type of love from this world will diminish.
I'm not saying we shouldn't date, or get married. Male & females getting together and being married is part of God's plan, but we shouldn't let this get in the way with our relationship with God.
Our love for God & vice-versa is the priority of our lives, the purpose of our lives.

After being forced to come to realization of these truths, I have decided I'm really really going to make a better effort in keeping my oath with God.
I know God's love for me, I know I'm loved, I know I have already been given love, I do not need to desire for love so greatly anymore.

Being bounded by this oath has also made me remember how God works in His own time.
We may really desperately want something instantly at a certain time, but a lot of the time, God knows it's not the right time. Such as how I wanted to get into a relationship, God said no, not now.
It may seem really hard to accept, but God does what's best for us, He knows what's best for us.
It is definitely worth the wait.

For Those Who Wait - Fireflight

I really hope that as you guys continue to live your lives, you may follow God's guidance, remember His love for you, & remember that it's always worth the wait, whatever you may be longing for.

Until next time,
Godbless~

Sparks of Optimism

To be honest, I have been extremely worried about getting worried lately.
The worry I'm worried about being worried about is about my CIE exams coming up in four weeks & my lack of study at the moment. I really should be worrying about them, but I have just become so lazy & carefree lately, the pressure still hasn't exactly gotten to me. On the other hand, being worried will definitely put me under pressure & cause all sorts of discomfort. What good it will do though, is give me motivation to study. Nonetheless, with four weeks to go, I said to myself "I must start in one way or another now", so this week, I have been making extra effort to stop being lazy.

Well today, like most days, I woke up with an unsatisfactory amount of sleep. I had to strive through another loooonnnnngggg school day. And at the end of the day, despite my fatigue, i forced myself to go for a swim, so I could have the satisfaction of doing something productive. That completely tired me out, & once I got home I decided to take an hour long nap. When I woke up, I was not refreshed & probably felt even more tired.
This wasn't looking good for me at all, how was i going to get anything done in a condition like that.

Despite all this, I had a sudden "spark of optimism".
In reply to a text, I was made to think positively for a split second. Just this in itself was able to completely wake me up. Something in me clicked, I regained my motivation to study, I didn't feel lazy anymore.
It's truly amazing how such little optimism can bring out so much good.

It may be very hard to stay optimistic at times, I know.. It isn't impossible though!
You also may not want to be optimistic, sometimes thinking too positive may cause more pain when things don't go too well. But just as good is always over bad, God over Satan, so is optimism over pessimism.
I just thought I'd share a few ways you that could possibly help you trigger the "spark of optimism".
- Make it a habit. If you're used to being optimistic, it shouldn't be too hard to find a little when needed.
- Have positive peers. Sometimes, what our friend's say may have never occurred in our tiny little minds & can inspire us in amazing ways. Quality friend's are important.
- Believe in yourself. You have been made of goodness, there IS goodness in you. It's just a matter if you're willing to seek it or not.
- God is good. EEEEEEVERYTHING~ God does is for our own good. (I can't stress that enough) It may not seem so most of the time at the instance, but i guarantee you, when you look back you'll be amazed at His plan for your life. 

From the Bible, in James 3:3-5 it shows how the tongue, such a small part of the body, can do such huge things. In the same way, such small goodness can fill us with passion to do great things.

"When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark."

Not only can small sparks in goodness completely change us, it can most definitely bring goodness to others too. Even though it may not seem to have benefited anyone at the time, if everyone produced little sparks that have the potential to set a whole forest on fire, this could completely "set the world on fire"

So as you guys continue to live your lives, I hope you're able to stay positive no matter what life throws at you, & be sure to share your "sparks of optimism" wherever life may take you.

Godbless~

Let The Sparks Fly - Thousand Foot Krutch
Hehe, not completely relevant, but it's the only song I could think of :P

Dating Non-Christians?

It's a nice peaceful, sunny Sunday afternoon, perfect for blogging. But i really don't know what to write about. I'm really just forcing myself to blog cause of the conditions now.
So here goes~

I'm sure for many of you, if you're a Christian (or maybe if you're not), this question has come at some point:
"Are Christians allowed to date non-Christians"?

Personally, I'm not completely against this, after hearing different opinions, discussions, & sermons about it. It's still a possibility. As long as God's will is put above all else, everything will fit into place perfectly~

Many of you will know it's not ideal to date non-Christians. But the thought of being able to bring "them" into God's family by the relationship keeps the door open.

My pastor pointed out a very good point today though. Throughout The Bible, there are countless examples of believers having relationships with non-believers. More or less all the time, it doesn't work out so well.

I'm not here to given a definite answer this question today, what I'm here to do though, is to give you insight about it from God's Word.

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?" - 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 NIV

Credit goes to my pastor for delivering the message this morning.

Hope that helped in some way or another.

Godbless~

The Girl Who Fell from the Sky

Today i successfully recorded my second piano cover. (my first being Tenth Avenue North's "Times")
This song has been one of my personal favourites for as long as i can remember.
The movie this comes from, "Laputa, Castle in the Sky" by Hayao Miyazaki is definitely my all time favourite movie.

Whenever i listen to this song, it touches me like no other song can. It's just completely amazing~

Hope you enjoy.
(feel free to subscribe to my channel)

Being "Ju Dun"

I have a kind of confession-ish thing to make.

I realized I'm never "ju dun" enough (sorry, this is the perfect canto word for it, can't put a finger on the English word for it) It means something along the lines of me having not enough initiative in a situation, & not taking advantage of it & doing what i want/need to do.
I more or less let every opportunity slip, unless there's a very legit reason to grasp the opportunity.

I always try to lay down any control whatsoever, cause I really want try make an effort to let God have control in every aspect of my life. It seems i may have "overdone" it, well actually done it wrong.
Don't get me wrong, letting God be in control of our lives is the best thing you could ever do. Your life will be completely bliss when you let put God in the "driver seat" of your life.

But even though God should be in complete control of our lives, He has given us freewill to make our own choices too.
Where I think where I went wrong is that I attempted to lay down even my freewill, tried to hand God every single aspect of my life for His control. This may sound pretty good, a perfect thing to do even. But really, i think it isn't. (sorry i write some incorrect theology following)

Let's put it this way, we're basically being a "remote control person", where God is the remote, and He literally directs our every path.
We have no control of what we want to do with our lives. It's also kind of like God playing with the whole human population as something along the lines of LEGO, or action figures. He just picks us up, does as He desires, without hearing our opinion, & when He's done, throws us back into the toy box until next time.

God is definitely not like that. He can do that nonetheless. But He chooses to give us freewill to do as we desire, with direct guidance from Him, The Bible. He doesn't "finish playing" with us, He's with us to the end. He loves us as human beings.

What kind of control should we give God then?
Basically, we should have such a relationship with Him that in everything we do, we do it out of our love for Him. Just like when we love someone, we will try to impress them in every way possible.
Also, the closer we get to God, the better we will know Him & His will for our lives, so we are able to know how to control our life the way He would want us to.
Once we love God & put Him above all else, that's when He will have control of our lives passively.

Anything that's within my control, i always hesitate before taking control. It can range from such small things as starting a conversation to deciding whether or not to take on a job. I always try to wait for a definite sign from God to do such things, but most of the time, it seems i'm by myself.
In this way, i always try make God control it, such as making the other person speak first, or making me take the job, or else i won't do anything about it.

After writing this, it still seems i really just can't be "ju dun" in alot of things. I guess i will have to sooner or later as i grow older & life continues to throw more at me. As i get closer to God & know Him better, I'm sure God I will know make me more "ju dun" in some way or another, whether in public witnessing, or contributing more to the community.

As you guys continue to live your lives, I hope you follow God's guidance and be "ju dun" whenever needed.

Until next time,
Godbless~

Will You Save Me?

I found a song the other day, that basically sums up my life at this moment in time.
Thought i'd share it with you guys~

Will You Save Me? - The Birdsongs

I'm tired of living this way 

The same way day after day 

With no hope of finding tomorrow 

I've had to suffer the shame and I have no one to blame 

I'm the cause of my every sorrow 

I don't even recognize the face I hide 

Cause everything I've tried left me hallow inside 

Will You save me? 

I'm in too deep 

I'm in slavery 

I've been lulled to sleep 

By the very thing I hate so much 

Will You take me? 

You're the only one 

I've had a million regrets 

Things I will never forget 

My sin has cost me almost everything 

I can't even lift my head to call Your name 

And my sin just wants to comfort me 

I'm so ashamed 

Will You save me? 

I'm in too deep 

I'm in slavery 

I've been lulled to sleep 

By the very thing I hate so much 

Will You take me? 

You're the only one 

I can't believe all the years I've spent seeking after lies 

Now I know the truth 

It is found in You 

Only You can satisfy 

You can satisfy 

Will You save me? 

I am in too deep 

I'm in slavery 

I've been lulled to sleep 

By the very thing that I hate so much 

Will You take me? 

You're the only one

Spirit is Willing, Body is Weak

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." - Matthew 26:41

There are many mistakes in my life i have continuously committed over and over again. I would really like to share with you some little things I have learnt so that you may hopefully not stumble like me.

Lately, I've had the urge of committing those same mistakes, but a stronger urge, has kept me from doing so. This urge is undoubtedly the Holy Spirit & I truly thank God for the strength to overcome my own flesh.

Throughout these trails, I've had so many strong desires to make good use of my life. Such as:
Thinking of different & more ways to bond with God
Planning a better & more effective life of workouts
Getting the motivation to study hard & ace exams
Learn different various skills. (athletics training, learn a martial art properly)
Get into a prestigious university
~and the list goes on.
But guess what...
None of these happened, or will probably happen... how great.
Despite my strong desire, my lazy self won in the end.

There have also been many temptations around me, some new ones that pop up daily, & some that have been a burden for as long as i can remember. Sometimes i just don't understand, as i'm so desperate to not fall again for the 32349890324th time, every time, it "just happens" again. I know very well i cannot overcome it myself, i pray about it, ask God for the strength to overcome it, but no. The flesh is too weak.

Sometimes it seems God is allowing us to fall into temptation, we pray & pray for the strength to overcome it, but we never seem to get it. We then end up falling again, & gradually digging a deeper hole.. eventually the hole may become so deep, our flesh cannot take how far down it's fallen.

Pray with conviction! If you're going to ask God for help, but you really don't believe you can do it, you're just kidding yourself. However great this burden may be, God can & will definitely help you through it. Have some faith.

Alert the flesh. From my experiences, when i let myself become extremely tired & screw up my mind by overworking it, that's when i'm most susceptible to temptation. Solution? Get more sleep, rest the mind more, the mind will be more alert, & the flesh will be able to fight temptation with more desire. (Cold showers help haha~)

Have you ever planned something then had a feeling that it was wrong? But your flesh just wanted it, it just felt like an awesome plan at the time, but it still felt a tinsy bit wrong? That's a mini battle between spirit & flesh right there. Learn to surrender the flesh to the spirit. The spirit knows what's right, it's permanent, but the flesh is part of this world & it's pleasures. Really make an effort to listen to the spirit, don't turn your ear way from it.

As I've learnt, the hard way, God's plan for my life is far more superior than my own desires. I may be able to make my own desires happen at times, but in the end, all that happens is that i get hurt & i realize how far I've fallen from God again.

I also have to confess I've been completely addicted to this song since it came out.

Disciple - Draw The Line

"This is where i draw the line 

this is the where the old me dies 

light a match, let it burn, kiss it goodbye, 

giving up what i was 

this is where i draw the line"

It's not too late to surrender yourself to God, to give your life up for a greater purpose. You'll be amazed at how much stronger God can make you, how helpful the Holy Spirit's guidance is, & how much more control you'll have over your flesh.

May your body be alert & willing to the spirit's guidance,
Until next time.
Godbless~

Measure Of Pain~

Have you ever thought of how much pain you can endure before you collapse or exceed your "limit"?
I'm sure you wouldn't want to.
Is there a limit to how much pain one can endure?
Not very pleasant thoughts right? But pain is something we all must live with.

In Anthony Horowitz's book, Scorpia Rising, the most interesting thing that caught my attention was how the antagonist tries to invent a way to measure pain.
Just like how we can measure basic things such as length, temperature, & time with it's respective units, he tries to create a unit and a way to measure amount of pain.

What would that mean if the magnitude of pain received to one had a set number? Would that mean that we could know how much pain we could receive before we cannot take anymore?
Probably so. We would be able to measure the smallest of pains, such as paper cuts, to the pains that pull us apart, such as close ones passing away & extreme injuries.

Most of the time when we think of pain, we think physical, but there are also so many different types of pains, most of them are actually non-physical. In the book Scorpia Rising, the protagonist, Alex Rider is captured and forced to endure mental pain. He gets bound up and is forced to watch his closest friend kill herself unintentionally. Even though he walked away with no physical scars, he was completely broken, emotionally.

Pain is a way of breaking down ourselves & recovering into something stronger. This can be applied to many contexts, from having a broken heart; where you'll have learnt where you went wrong & become stronger, to the intentional physical pain when working out, which builds stronger muscles. There may be some pains that just seem impossible to recover from, but it's a matter of fact if you're willing to pick yourself up and learn from it.

Pain is something we have to deal with in our daily lives. Even though we cannot measure how much we can endure, we are assured that we will never be given so much pain we cannot endure.

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.: - 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." - 1 Corinthians 10:13


So as you continue to live your life, don't let pain get the best of you, instead try looking forward to it, trusting God with whatever He makes you face. As after you endure it, you'll be amazed at what you managed to get through, and also it'll have made you stronger.

Don't Stop The Madness - Tenth Avenue North

Addicted To My Pain - Seventh Day Slumber

Godbless you in whatever pains you may be going through at this moment.
Until next time~

Wasted Life

How do you define life?
How much do you value life?
What is life?

Sometimes we can cherish it so much, when the sun shines wherever we go, when goodness floods in non-stop. We can be so conscious of it, enjoying it for just the very moment in time.

But sometimes it may cave in, nothing seems right, there seems to be no purpose to it anymore, & existence is questioned. It is despised, maybe even desired to end.

Other times it just passes so quickly. Just keeps going. Days go by unnoticed.
Then finally we managed to catch up to it, slow it down, & realize how much time was wasted.
How much time was spent into doing things that didn't need to be done.
This is when regrets come in, when you realize how valuable life is, and you just let it pass without cherishing every moment.

We don't deserve to exist, it may sound harsh, but we don't.
It is only by God's choice we are here, entirely because of His love for us.
So what does that mean to us, for our lives?

Well first of all, since God breathed life into us, we more or less owe it all back to Him.
What CAN we 'owe' to God though, since He's God & needs nothing?
Well firstly the least we can do is to make good use of this life right?
To not make a complete waste of it.

Lately, I've been doing exactly that.
I've been letting all my worries, my duties, my goals just get swept along in the torrent I let my life become.

As an example, last week I just sat a series of mock exams in preparation for my Cambridge AS level externals. As soon as i got the timetable, i had a look at all the times i wouldn't need to be at school and thought to myself "this is a holiday". Throughout this exam period, i more or less just relaxed and enjoyed the sensation of having less school for a whole week. The only preparation i did was read a bit over text books, which honestly didn't help me remember anything at all.

Today, i found out that i'd completely flunked my maths pure paper. Maths is normally where i score my high marks. I had been over-confident, lazy, and just purely a disappointment.
Not only had i failed myself, i had failed my teacher, (maybe my parents, if they find out), and most importantly I had failed my Creator.

I had decided to 'just chill' when i had a purpose of doing my best at school for the glory of God. Instead i had decided to do anything but that, just because i couldn't be bothered. On top of all this, I've also been quite slack in spending time with God lately, I've been quite slack with maintaining my physical health, I've been quite slack with anything that required effort. As a result my days just flew past while i enjoyed the temporary pleasure of relaxation. Nothing productive was done, and i can't say i loved life, most important of all, I wasn't able to make good use of this gift of life God has given me.

I'm not trying to say we shouldn't relax, God does want us to enjoy life. But at the same time He wants us to make good use of our lives. We should learn to cherish every moment, the good and the bad. We shouldn't hate life when it caves in, but we should know it will make us stronger. God will never give us more than we can handle. At the end of the day, we shouldn't take our lives for granted, it's something we never did & never will deserve. We should try our best to put our lives to good use, do our best in everything to bring glory to our Creator, to make Him proud.

Don't let our lives become wasted!

So as you continue to live your life, I hope you may treasure it & strive to do your best.

Godbless~

Physical Growth

I thought I'd just share my more "physical" part of my life today.
Well as some of you will know, I've been doing strength training (on & off) for the past... 3-4 years now?
I actually started, believe it or not, out of fear.

Since i can remember, I've always been a sort of wimpy kid. The sort that always got taken advantage of by others. I was especially scared of the so called "islanders", since I'd been bullied by them countless times in my childhood years.
Well, when i was around 12, just about to enter high school, i found out I'd be going to a high school with a high percentage of these "islanders". You have no idea how scared i was at that time, so scared that i started working out vigorously. I remember doing so many push ups every morning, i was that scared.
Well it paid off, i actually ended up with a decent physique when i started high school, decent enough not to be bullied. Ever since then, having a 'good physique' has been a part of me, and something worth maintaining.

One thing that did get in the way though, was a so-called-theory of stunted growth.
This put me off for quite a while, and still does to some extent.
I stayed away from the weights, leaving the only option my body weight.
Entering high school at 13, i was actually considerably tall compared to all the others. But as the years went on, as i kept working out hard, i soon realized i hadn't grown taller at all after a whole two years.
I was so sure I'd stunted my growth, two whole years of not one cm. taller, it could've only been because of all the working out~

After this realization, i slowed down on workouts, i did it very occasionally just to 'maintain' my physique. This went on for around a year.
After still not growing, even though I'd slowed down on working out, i started to get desperate, doing lots of research into the topic of "stunted growth". I really didn't want to be the height of a 13yr old for the rest of my life.
Also around this time, i caught up with a friend of mine i hadn't seen in quite a while. The last time I'd seen him, he was more or less fat, unfit, & just not very aesthetically appealing. But what he did have was height.
Well when i saw him this time, around a year later, I can remember being so happy for him (& also a little jealous). Those three things i mentioned earlier were completely antonyms for what he was now. He had managed to completely turn his life around. He has been one of my inspirations in this area of life ever since, and one thing he thinks is completely stupid is "stunted growth".

So after becoming good mates with him and all, i decided to cross the line a bit, i started getting more serious about working out. Though i still allow myself only to use my body weight. I was still very worried about my height, so i started with things like skipping, swimming, stretching every morning, i also made an effort to change my posture (less slumped). But the things that stood out were eating & sleeping.

Through all my research, i realized that before, when i was working out, I had completely deprived my body to growing taller; since all nutrients i was taking in was being used for muscles. I had also been 'dieting' at that time. So it didn't work out for my body either way.
I also had bad sleeping habits/cycles, very inconsistent, and very short hours.
Well I'm glad to say though, when i started working out this year, i started off well, at double the amount i normally eat (yup, I'm fat), and also made an effort to sleep early every night. And guess what, i actually grew!
This was like a dream come true for me.

Well to the core now, i mainly decided to share this cause that friend i mentioned above, came to me lately & offered me a training program involving weights.
But there's still a part of me that just wants to stay away from the weights until I've grown to the height i want (177cm). The main thing is, i really don't know what's stopping me, I've found out stunted growth isn't actually real, even proved it. I also have to admit here, i think I'm "buff enough" for my current height.
I kind of can't say no though, since he's being so nice, putting all the time and effort into helping me. What's worse, i can't really telling him a reason if i decline, I've hit a brick wall here.

Also lately, my motivation for working out has been very 'choppy', sometimes I'm so hyped up, sometimes i just can't be bothered. My workouts has also been very repetitive and is starting to lose it's touch. Everything has it's ups and downs, it's a matter of if you're willing to keep going towards your goals despite these.

That's basically my life of workouts, at the moment, summed up in less than 1000 words.
I'd be extremely surprised if you managed to make it up to here.
I'm actually surprised i managed to write so much, sorry.

But anyways, that's all, hope this helped in some way or another.
Cheers & God bless~

Eat This Scroll

I have have been reading through Isaiah, Jeremiah, & Lamentations for my daily devotions recently, and i have to admit i haven't benefited much from it lately, due to morning fatigue and just.. stuff.
Well today, I opened the Bible with the usual attitude, that i wasn't gonna benefit much from it, but then i read this.

"And he said to me, "Son of man, eat what is before you, eat this scroll;" - Ezekiel 3:1a

Eat this scroll? Seriously? I had a good laugh over that. Probably one of the best "lol" moments I've had from the bible.
Well as i read on, there was actually a meaning to it.

"So i ate it, and it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth." - Ezekiel 3:3b

That is pretty amazing right? This is paper we're talking about.
Just these three verses was enough to make me think, give me a wake up call to reading the Bible.

Would you have eaten "the scroll" if you were asked to? It'd seem extremely stupid right?
But from this, we can definitely learn lots of things about God.

First of all, what God may want from us, at first can seem completely absurd from our point of view, such as eating paper. But if we are willing to lay down our perspective, trust God completely, it will always go good with us. Just like how the scroll tasted like honey, Ezekiel didn't suffocate from the paper or anything, it tasted "as sweet as honey". So even though what God wants us to do, or is taking us through right now seems completely ridiculous, God definitely is in control and wants us to taste the sweetness of his honey.

Here's a song that's quite relevant :)

This also was a wake up call for me though, the incident of these verses have clung to me the whole day. I can actually remember what i learnt this morning, instead of completely forgetting it the minute i close my Bible each day.

It's truly amazing seeing God present in our lives. Even though i haven't thirsted His Word as much as i should be lately & i haven't done anything about it, He comes to me in the end.
Don't get the wrong idea here, we shouldn't wait for God to come to us, but remember, God will never forsake us, He's always watching over our lives.

Hope this helps to some extent, Godbless~
Oh also, Happy Spring! (for the southern hemisphere i think)