BarlowGirl.. *weeps*

The sad end of one long journey, the exciting start of another.
Despite God guiding them to disband, they have been given no doors open, no direction whatsoever yet. They are just waiting for God's next instruction, clinging onto the hope they have. That's faith.

(taken from Lauren's twitter)

I just saw their last live-stream for their fans, & it was very emotional both for their fans & themselves. (I'm so glad I have study leave, or I would've missed it) It was incredibly sad to hear the news of them disbanding last week, after all the amazing music they have produced. It's also exciting to see God's reason behind this, His greater plan for them.

They are a really unique band in many ways, especially in the way that all three sisters have never played the 'dating game'. For some of you, you may know that it's really hard not to.. & to think that they never once fell into that category is pretty well done.

Many of their fans asked about it.
Their response was to making God the priority. Making Him the love of their lives. Concentrating on learning to love God more & more. That in itself takes more than a lifetime. 

They also explained how they live in the present. They don't think ahead of 'who he might be' if God has prepared someone for them. Looking into the future at what you don't have only brings discontentment & ungratefulness. It only grows worry. But rather learn to look see what you've been given right at this moment, be thankful for it, & enjoy it.

They also gave some really good advice for serving God.

"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need." - Matthew 6:33 NLT

Once we put God first, His desires will become our desires & vice versa. We won't have to worry if God is giving us an opportunity to serve Him or not, we can be assured that everything we do will be God's will. We just need to seek him first.

They also played a few songs, with Rebecca on an acoustic guitar, Lauren & Alyssa doing lead vocals & harmonizing each other. That just completely made me realize how badly I'll miss their music. A mini last live performance~

They played Never Alone (probably my favourite), Beautiful Ending, & Come Alive. (all acoustically)

Oh yes, Alyssa also sang a bit of Never Alone in Portuguese, that was pretty funny & quite a priceless moment. And Lauren thinking she was singing Spanish the whole time. (I thought so too) They also played their favorite & first song they learnt to harmonize together. I don't think it's a released song.

And lastly, they showed their new song that's gonna be on iTunes at midnight or something like that. It's a really good listen, & a nice 'last song' by them.

Hope Will Lead Us On - BarlowGirl

We can really learn from these girls. They have really given up so much of their lives, they have neglected so many worldly pleasures we desire daily to serve the one true God. It's definitely a really sad thing to have to say goodbye to the band, but that's not the end of them. Hopefully we'll see more of their ministry elsewhere soon.

Here's some last tweets by them.

"Thanks everyone for a great final chat. It's hard to keep back the tears. We love you guys😘" - Alyssa

"You guys are amazing. The chat was so fun & sad. Thank you for being the best fans/friends a band could ever dream of having. Love you guys." - Lauren

Be sure to follow them on twitter if you want to keep in touch with them.

Alyssa - @alyssabarlow
Lauren - @laurenbarlow
Rebecca - @rebeccabarlow

As Alyssa put it. It's like God putting them in a corridor with many rooms, all locked. All they have been given are some toys & are told to wait for the moment a door opens for them. They don't know how long they will have to wait, they can leave anytime, but they know the wait will be worth it.

Lauren also explains that you could leave, but the next second a door could also have just opened for you & you would've missed your opportunity.

We can really apply that into our lives.

God is gracious, God works in His own time, it's worth the wait.

Godbless~

I Miss The Misery

Oh my~ I just had one of the most amazing experiences I've had in awhile.
Even though it took up nearly two & a half hours of my study time, I do not regret it!

P__________ing

Hmm.. what might this be?
You're probably doing it right now just by reading my blog..
Probably the longest 'p' word you're very familiar with.
You've probably guessed already.

There's so much more to this..

I thought I just had to blog again today, since Sunday seems to be my "blogging day" & also I'm not sure if I will be able to blog for a while. Got three exams next week, one really heavy one, then have one more heavy one the week after. But after that I should have a bit more free time, get to actually enjoy my "study leave".

Think 'bout it this way..

I was scrolling through past notes on my phone, & I found this from awhile ago.

This was written one time after I was hurt as a result of my sin if i remember correctly.
It really touched me as I read it today. It renewed the passion in me to live a better life for Christ.
Hopefully it may speak to you in some way too.

Godbless~

You're either for, or against

Ahh sorry guys, I haven't been able to blog as frequently lately.

Been trying to study for my exams.

Well I just thought I'd like to share what I've learnt from my experiences this past week or so.

I'm really happy to say I've managed to resist "the temptation" more often now, thanks to the grace of God. But that's more often, not all the time. So here's what I'd like to share.

After the whole ordeal of me flailing around with my life, I knew I had to make changes, or it'd keep getting worse. That's how the devil works, the more you give in, the easier it is to do so. So I've been making extra effort to find more time to spend with God lately, and I can say it's one of the best ways you could ever spend your time!

Life becomes so much more colorful, every aspect works fits together so much better, & most important of all, I wake up every day with a purpose to live.

But then I failed.

I tried spending more of my life with God.

I hadn't completely let go of the world.

It's like filling up my life as a "cup".

I filled up most of the cup with God, but I didn't fill all up to the very top.

As a result, I left room for the world in my cup, & it filled in my gap.

God and Sin do not go together at all.

It's either one or the other, you just cannot have both.

As more sin got into my cup, God started draining out.

I started having less of a desire to seek God.

I once again felt ashamed & didn't talk to Him as much.

I woke up again guilty of my sin, without purpose for my life.

This is how destructive sin can be.

The devil will try to convince us that he can offer so much more than God.

That's obviously a lie.

God graciously opened my eyes to the pleasure I had when I decided to search Him.

So yup, that's by far the better option, and it's definitely the truth.

"a faith and knowledge resting on the hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie, promised before the beginning of time," - Titus - 1:2

May this be your prayer today.

"I pray that You may show me how the pleasures of this world are nothing compared to seeing You face to face one day."

"He who is not with me is against me," - Matthew 12:30a

Yup, as Jesus said, there's no neutral.

You either love God, or you don't.

There's no loving God half-heartedly.

It's a complete devotion, a giving of your all.

So are you with Him, or against Him?

Until next time,
Godbless~

It's a pretty old song by them, but nonetheless, the chorus is so good!

Stay Close - Fireflight

I give You all of me for all You are~

Well yesterday, as my parent's had a usual "rant" at me & my sis, for once I actually didn't just allow it to go in one ear & out the other right away. Quite an achievement right? haha~

It was even about something I knew perfectly well & I thought it was such common sense that I thought seriously didn't need any more reminding. But yup.. I surprisingly listened.

And as a result, it has completely helped me realize something that was wrong with my relationship with God & to make some changes.

Who is God?

For some of us, He's our everything, the reason we breathe each breath.

For others, He's just some higher being that may exist, may not, doesn't matter.

Still, to other's He's just part of some religion that makes no sense whatsoever.

These are all some "opinions" one may have when asked who God is.

God is God.

"The one Supreme Being, the creator and ruler of the universe." as dictionary.com puts it.

From the Bible,

He is LOVE.

He's the King of King, Lord of Lords.

He's the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and End.

He's The Creator of everything.

He's our Father.

He is perfect~

There are many 'hints' to who God really is throughout the Bible.

At the end of the day, God is God, & He is indescribable.

We as humans can nowhere near as fathom who God exactly is.

But still, with this infinite gap between us, God chose to come down to us.

What I got reminded of yesterday, is that when we use our privilege of praying to God, we should, we need to, adore Him first.

Instead, lately I've more or less just been concentrating on myself more, confessing, asking, etc.

Adoring. Uplifting Him. Praising. Acknowledging Him as God & infinitely higher than us. You got the idea.

Does God need us to? That's why He created us right? To make Him feel great and loved?

Definitely not!

He needs nothing, He is still God whether we exist or not, He Himself is love.

We need to. Yes, we need to adore Him, to admit that He's so much greater than us.

It humbles us, reminds us of how much we fall short of His glory.

Acknowledging God as higher than us strips us of our pride.

It prepares our mind to talk to Him properly throughout the rest of our prayer. To confess wholeheartedly, to ask for things in His will, to pray more for others & not so much for ourselves.

Humbling ourselves through this adoration frequently will also most definitely keep us humble.

It will change us, to be more like Christ.

Telling God how amazing, how wonderful He is will help us affirm truly who we live for. It will help remind us that there is so much more to life than this dark world. There is this magnificent light that we were made to be in.

It will renew our soul each time~

All you need to do is take a moment before you start talking to Him.

Forget yourself.

Think about who He is, how great He is, the amazing things He's done in your life.

Believe it, acknowledge it, and praise Him for it.

He deserves our eternity's worth of praise.

Though remember, He doesn't need it any of it.

We need it, & we're more than welcome to do so.

Until next time,

Godbless~

Higher - Worth Dying For

You Are - Tenth Avenue North

Glory (You Are) - Manafest

Just Take A Step Back

Ohk. I admit it. I have been in a "void" for the past week or so..

You could probably tell already.. from my past few posts..

This type of void -

"Something experienced as a loss or privation."

Yes, I've been deprived.

Deprived of life, of hope, of God.

I received a message of hope today though, in the midst of hopelessness.

I couldn't even pick myself up anymore, but God could.

He showed me more of what He's capable of, what He does.

The pastor said today that alot of the times in the Bible, God uses people who have fallen badly, who been unfaithful to Him, as servants for Him.

That really carved itself deep within me. It gave me hope, gave me a will to change, to reconcile with The One who I was starting to think I couldn't go back to anymore.

So now that God has given me a clearer mind, I would like take a step out of this void and share some things.

We are all humans.. (well hopefully you are, if you're capable of reading this)

All we are, are some cells perfectly designed, specialized for different functions, bunched together into a distinguishable "human shape" & given a soul.. That right?

Of course not, we are more!

But sometimes, this is actually all we allow ourselves to be..

We're weak. We're given choices & we make the wrong ones all the time.

We do bad things, whatever the reason being, we all do at some time or another.

We have bad thoughts, we have a desire for worldly things, we aren't perfect.

We weren't meant to be like this.

We are made in the image of God.

We exist because God loves us.

We are God's children, He is our Father.

We are made "good" in the eyes of God.

We are destined for eternity with Him, an eternity of no more pain, sorrow, or tears.

All of us.

But yes, sin came into the picture~

You know, we're really not that vulnerable to sin, we're more than capable of fighting temptations.

But sin makes us vulnerable to itself, we let it.

We have a soul, we have feelings.. emotions.

Satan loves tampering with them.

Emotions are such a broad thing.

There's so much to it, anger, joy, depression, some of the words we've made to describe them.

But we really can't exactly describe them most of the time. You can't ever put a finger on an emotion & be like "I'm feeling exactly happy, at.. '10 degrees' this moment."

Every emotion is different, two people can both feel happiness, but it won't exactly be the same.

Emotions can be nice, the blissful feeling of success, happiness, serenity.

They can also be disruptive, the burn of anger, uneasiness of lust, or the hint of envy.

Emotions in one way or another affect every one of our choices in life, the decisions we make, things that define us. So in a way, are emotions themselves making the choices for us?

Definitely not!

We definitely have control over our emotions, we decide how much we ponder on them.

After all, we're not emotions; emotions are part of what we are.

The "bad" emotions, anger, lust, envy etc. are all "sparks of sin".

From here, we can choose to ignite these sparks, or put them out right away.

Satan just loves it when we allow it to ignite; he will tell you every lie to convince you.

Don't let him; He wants you to be ruined.

"When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." - John 8:44b

Sometimes, we can let emotions get the most of us.

They can be a cloud, blurring our mind's vision.

They make people, choices, or even sin seem perfect at particular times.

This happens when we've allowed the emotions that brew up inside of us to control us.

Have you ever bought something that seemed amazing at the time, then realized after a while that it really wasn't that worth it, wasn't really that great? Or made a choice, which seemed perfect, then afterwards realize it wasn't the right choice?

That's exactly what I'm talking about.

These emotions are temporary, but can have a huge impact in our lives.

Take a step back, before it's too late.

Emotions will narrow your vision, deceive you.

Take a step back, see the bigger picture.

You'll see more than just you & this "perfect choice".

Take a step back, now make the choice.

Our minds, thoughts, desires are limited by our emotions, by our sin.

Only God, and Him alone can see the full picture.

Once you're able to widen your vision enough, seek His guidance.

His Word lasts forever, it's truth.

Decisions we make may give us temporary happiness.

They will also cut God out of the picture alot of the time.

But at the end of the day, true happiness is found in the Lord, & it lasts.

That is what makes us more than a bunch of cells & a soul.

A Bullet For Pretty Boy's "The Deceiver" is an amazing song that really reminds me to "take a step back" frequently. If you don't mind some hardcore music, feel free to check it out. Here's the chorus.

"Just take a step back,

And look in the mirror.

I don't recognize the one who's looking back.

Just take a step back,

And look in the mirror.

I don't recognize myself.

Who is this deceiver?"

Also, just a mini continuation of yesterday's post.

Yes, it was written with emotions clouded, but it was also truth about me to some extent.

I really do think that relationships can be quite a "hassle" to maintain. Like if I don't talk to someone in a while, then it'd normally be pretty awks & hard to talk to them again. I even said I don't need any love, now that's just hypocrisy. This is coming from me though, someone that's pretty anti-social.

But yea, with eyes unclouded, I can see that God has put some of the relationships I have in a life for a good reason. So I do treasure my friendships for all of you out there~

It is a pretty long post, I know.

If you did manage to make it this far, I really hope it helped in some way or another.

As you guys continue to live on, I really hope you may be cautious of our emotions clouding the decisions we make. Remember, only God can see the full picture, & you can most definitely ask Him to reveal it to you. All you have to do is seek it.

I also hope you may acknowledge the most important decision we have to make in life. I pray that if you haven't made it, when it is time, you may do so with a clear conscience.

Godbless~  

Icon For Hire - The Grey

You Don't Need Me

I haven't really "connected" with anyone in awhile now, so this is it for now.
I was having these thoughts last night & decided to take them down..

"I've been completely carefree this past week or so..

I've been living life as it comes, sometimes intentionally allowing the monster within me control of my life.

I do hate it.. it makes me feel good about life temporarily, but afterwards, so many worries I ignored before accumulates & completely kills me.

But, I realized.. there is one thing I really do like about this.

It keeps me from bothering to interact with anyone, I'm able shut out all relationships in my life.

It makes me feel that I can finally live life by myself, that i don't need the love I otherwise desire.

Maybe that's who I really am, someone that was made for noone. 

I enjoy that thought. It allows me to see friendships as a burden. As I invest more into into them, some time & love will be exchanged. With love sometimes comes jealousy. It also becomes something that I must maintain, or else it will gradually fade. It's really so troublesome.

Well, unless of course I've already spent a considerable amount of time into a relationship such that it cannot be ruined whatsoever, but that's a type of relationship I don't think i have yet."

That's basically as much of my thoughts I could type out before my arms started dying from holding my phone (while lying down). Oh and on top of that, I had more or less a completely restless night, pretty "fun".

That's it.

Godbless~

P.S. those thoughts were written with my emotions running freely, I let them get the best of me at that time, it's still part of me, but may not be for the time being.

Nine Lashes - The Void

This is where I end; Right where You begin.

I've completely fucked up.

This is probably the first ever time many of you will see me swear.. hopefully it's also the last..
Sorry about it, but in all desperateness, only by using such profane language can I describe how badly I've let myself stumble in life. As I've already blogged twice about such close experiences in "dug deep down", & "digging deeper down", it seems I've dug so deep down now that I'm "closer to hell than heaven".

Darkness surrounds me.
My "old-self" vigorously tears away from inside, about to break free.
I seek refuge by indulging in the pleasures of this world.
I've let Satan win.

It is so bad how far I've fallen. I thought I was strong enough, I thought I could resist temptation whenever I chose to stop, but I was wrong.
The more darkness I let in, the more that came. Just like an exponential graph, as time increases, so does the rate at which sin floods into my life. Until the point at which it just keeps increasing indefinitely, which kinda sounds like being in hell.

One type of sin that hardly related to any other aspect in my life smothered my whole life in evil.

I thought it'd only affect that certain aspect, but no, it's made my whole self become a monster.

As I said in the beginning.. I've really f***ed up bad..

Not only has the hole I been digging been completely dirtying my mind, but it has also made me lazy & extremely vulnerable to the devil's grasp.The laziness has caused me to waste a whole half of my study leave, skip a whole week of workouts & me being vulnerable to the devil's grasp has also kept me away from God. That's every aspect of my life f***ed due to one sin I allowed to prosper. My education/future, physical, mental, & my spiritual. I also just realized I'm being a complete douche towards my family too, by being extra stubborn to my little sister & the most disappointing son any parents could ever have.

It's been extremely hard to repent, to turn back to God. The shame, the guilt just leaves me so far away from Him. I'm too ashamed to even pray at times. It seems the hope I once held, which I 'scandalized' is now out of my filthy hand's grasp. I've tried turning to His Word, but even my eyes are covered with dirt and my soul's thirst already quenched with sin.. temporarily.

I'm so glad God has allowed me to realize that I've fallen far.

I could have only known because God truly hasn't abandoned me, He's wiped some dirt from my eyes.

I cannot thank God enough for this.. I cannot thank God for anything actually.. He's done so much..

Well I'll end my ranting here, I'm sure it'll be better for all of us.

"This is where I draw the line, this is the where the old me dies" as the band Disciple writes in their new single "Draw The Line". I stop here, no more crossing the line, time to head in the other direction, the better direction~ towards God.

But as I've just let myself into such a disastrous state, I really hope it may warn you that despite how little a sin may seem, DO NOT let it grow in your life dear brothers & sisters. It may seem easy enough, but sin comes in many forms at many different times, stay alert, keep strong faith, I'll be praying for you, as being evil was never intended for us & completely corrupts us.

I confess I'm always afraid, always ashamed 

Of what's inside me 

I confess I'm always afraid, always ashamed 

Of what's inside my head

Also, at youth group & church this week, we have been talking quite a bit about justice.

This really helped me reflect on how God judges & how God has definitely been merciful to me, as no punishment has really been poured out on me yet.

It may seem that alot of the time nowadays wicked people are better off than good. Sometimes it even seems being bad provokes less tragedies than good. We may see God as unjust in our own eyes.

But really.. who are we to question God's judgement?
Who are we to decide what's just and unjust?

My pastor made a really good point today.

We are all sinful, we all deserve death as a destination.

If God was really just in the way we think is just.. then we'd all be without hope, we'd all end when we physically die because of our sin. But God decided give us redemption, to save us, to give us hope... now that is what we call injustice, what God has made just.

Does that mean we can do as much bad stuff as we want.. since we have this hope?
Most definitely not. God promises many times in the Bible that He will come back one day to judge the wicked. Just like in the passage we've been studying:
"So I will come near to you for judgement. I will be quick to testify against sorcerers, adulterers and perjurers, against those who defraud laborers of their wages, who oppress the widows and the fatherless, and deprive aliens of justice, but do not fear me," says the LORD Almighty." - Malachi 3:5

So even though we are surrounded by sin, we mustn't indulge in it. God has declared judgement against it. The wicked may seem better off now, it may even be hard to watch at times, but God works in His own time punishing all evil when He desires.
As we live our lives, remember Christ's redemption for us, how we deserve death, but Christ gave us a chance. Are we going to use it to indulge in more pleasures of the world? Or are we going to live life to the fullest for Him?

Until next time,
Godbless~

Flyleaf - Justice And Mercy (Acoustic)

Anberlin - Feel Good Drag
(One of my favourites by them)

Digging Deeper Down

He had a mask on.
On it were two big round eyes, the sort they drew on manga characters. They were so unmistakably cute that one glimpse would leave you thinking how vulnerable & innocent he was, without even a need to converse with him. With the mask on, everything he did seemed so pure.. so robotic at times, as if the mask was wearing him. The mask seemed to make him inhumane, almost angelic, as he never showed signs of hatred, lust, or impatience. Sometimes though, as the mask slipped a little, a glimpse of something dark could made out. But a split second later, the shimmering angel standing there would leaving you rubbing your eyes, wondering if you were just imagining things.

He returned to his lair, checked thoroughly around him, and removed his mask.
At once, all light present squirmed away in terror, leaving a shadowy silhouette in it's place.
In this abyss, none of his features could be made out clearly. What could be made out was though, was completely monstrous, beyond all terrors that could have ever been someone's greatest fear. From dim red eyes full of hatred, to the black shredded up wings of what could have once been an angel's, every aspect of him screamed evil. He could never look at himself without be ashamed what he had become.
This was who he was.

I am very unhappy to be blogging about "the hole" again.
But after spending the last two nights in a row digging deeper & trying to find more worldly pleasures, I have finally come to this realization.

From what started as a grotesque sin I was trying to avoid, it has now almost become a habit in my life, a necessity to my daily living.
ALMOST.

Sin is what separates us from God, it's what left us with no hope.
But after Jesus took upon every sin on himself, we have hope.

This time, after I sinned again, I could no longer even ask for God's forgiveness.
I felt so filthy I just couldn't.
My mind was clouded with absurd thoughts that I was so shocked I could even think of such things.
I was hardly even conscious I was sinning anymore, it had changed me.
I had become nothing but a monster.

This is what sin does to us.
We can either choose to continue on this road with no hope whatsoever, or to accept the hope we have already been freely given.
All we have to do is humbly ask, to commit ourselves to our Creator.
The choice is yours.

Godbless~

Monster - Skillet
(I've seen them live, just saying)

Happens in a Blink

Music is such an amazing thing in life.
I truly thank God for giving us humans the potential to make such good sounds.
Especially the people that are willing to commit their talents to the Lord.
Christian music is such an important aspect in my life~

Well as I was listening to my local christian radio today, I heard one of those nice songs that just make you want to really search it up.
So that's what I did.
It was "Blink" by Australian christian rock band, Revive.
When I searched up the lyrics, it was amazing how it was more or less a reflection on how I was feeling right at this moment.

This song, to me, is basically about how life can go fast & we should really treasure every moment.
In comparison, my time has gone extremely fast lately, & I've been wasting every moment.

As some of you may know, my first externals (exams) are in a bit more than a week now, meaning I definitely need to be studying intensely.
Since I slacked off  in my mocks a few weeks ago, I kinda have to make up for it as well.
I still remember telling my friends after flunking mock exams that I'll definitely study hard out in my holidays. They were like "you'll probably end up slacking off again like everyone does". Which is like solid truth for us teens nowadays.
But I was so pumped to pick myself up that time, I was like, "I WILL force myself to study no matter what, just watch me".

Well as it's pretty obvious, two days into the holidays, I've managed only like.. 20 mins of study.
Pretty good huh?... Not.
God even gave me a good nights sleep last night & let me wake up refreshed and not fatigued at all today. (a miracle for me)
Result of that?
I completely wasted my whole day, making a huge effort to avoid study.
Well I succeeded.. unfortunately..

Now I feel completely guilty, worried, & extremely annoyed at myself.
I prayed for God to help me study, God answered my prayer, I didn't study.

To best honest, I haven't even had the motivation to blog, I've just once again wanted to completely relax & avoid anything that required effort.
But then I heard Revive's "Blink" on the radio & had a look into that.
It's truly amazing how something as simple as a song can change our whole perspective on things.

Well as I've told myself many times now, I'm going to definitely start my studies tomorrow.
Hopefully this time will be different, I will put it into action too.

I also hope that after reading this, you guys may not make waste of life like I have done.
God is definitely here for you on life's road, you just need to ask Him for help. Also, don't think that once you've asked Him, you can just sit there & watch Him work, you have to put some effort into it too.
It is definitely worth it.
It may seem extremely hard & you may feel completely lazy at the time, but once you've managed to work hard, you will definitely be happy of the results. You won't regret putting the effort in.

"A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life." - Galatians 6:7b-8

Here's Blink by Revive:

It happens in a blink, it happens in a flash

It happens in the time it took to look back

I try to hold on tight, but there's no stopping time

What is it I've done with my life?

I pray that we may all continue make good use of this gift of life our Father has given us.

Godbless~