Awakening?

I need to make sense of this and the only way I can do this is by writing words onto a page.

For so long, I feel I haven’t been able to feel anything.

I seemed to have closed off my channel of feeling  &emotion and become oblivious to the world around me. It helped me get through the hard times, not being consumed by sadness when life got stressful; but it also deprived me of the good times, not being able to fully savor those moments.

Because of this, I have completely lost direction of my life. I don’t know what I want, where I want my life to go, or who I wanted to be.

I’ve been just floating aimlessly with the wind, while the world continues to progress around me.

I’ve been needing something to feel again, something to shake my core, to give me purpose. I’ve been needing an awakening.

Trying to Stay Alive

It's funny, when we're young, all we want is to grow up. But now that I'm there, I reminisce of childhood so very often, longing for those days again.

So much has happened since I last posted, so much that I feel I have lived an entire other life in just the span of a few weeks. I have gone from struggling to catch up to the fast pace of a busy student life, to pushing my life to the limit, giving it no time to pause.

Life has been so so so interesting, I really don't know where to begin.

We Forget We Aren't Invincible

Yay, I made it back just in time before the blog is going to seem 'dead' again. (I hope)
To make it easier on myself, I'll probably be starting with actual life updates while I hopefully get back into the groove of blogging again.

To be honest, I probably shouldn't be here writing procrastinative thoughts, but this is better than actually procrastinating right?

Pokemon, Procrastination, & Productivity

I swear, the amount of blog posts where I have to remind you that my blog isn't dead is building up. I hope this will be the last one.

My holidays have come to an end and I just got through my first week of Uni as I feel obligated to say. But let's not dig into Uni just yet cause who likes talking about Uni anyway?

Le vent se lève!... Il faut tenter de vivre!

Originally, this post was going to be about how I've come to realise that once I've discovered a 'purpose' to live with, it's hard to live without one.

But as I continued on with it, I realised I started listing the negative things about living a life without meaning, and I couldn't carry on, cause hey, who likes negativity right?

Anyways, life has actually been quite good on my part.
Well at least what most people would consider good.
But here I am, doubting the 'goodness' of it...

New Years Resolutions Overrated?

What if new year's resolutions are overrated?
(Happy New Year by the way)

Many of us decide to 'turn our lives around' every 365/6 days, which equates to so many minutes and seconds. Is it cause everyone does it, or is there a deeper reasoning behind it?

What's so significant about a year?
It's only the time taken for the earth to make it's way around the sun once, but we've given it so much more meaning than that.

We celebrate it. We countdown to it. We welcome it exclusively.

It changes lives. 
(at least for a few days for some)

I've personally succumbed to this yearly 'new years resolution' in the past.

But honestly don't you think that 365 days / 8760 hours / 525600 minutes / 31536000 minutes is a bit long to wait to make huge changes in one's life?

Let's keep this going

Let's turn some negative energy into positive energy.

I realized I finished off on a pretty negative note last time.

So all hasn't been bad.
I can be super cliché and say "there's always a silver lining" or "there's always a light at end of the tunnel", but...
Actually, I just did.
Anyways.

Critical Morales

Now that I've gone over the lighter stuff, I can dig right into the deeper stuff that's been going on in my life.

I have to admit that ever since I decided to leave God, I've changed.
Not for the good in most cases.
There has frankly been alot more negativity.

Now that I'm stuck in Hong Kong with just my mom and sister, the amount of negativity I can contain inside of me has been pushed way too far.
I am miserable.

Life Update on my Blog? What is this?!

Well this is long overdue.
There's so much I want to write about, but so little time.
I've hit the point where I need to write something, or else I'll go insane.

I'm in Hong Kong right now, and will be for the next month more.
Even though I'm supposedly on a holiday overseas, I have very mixed feelings of my experiences. But before I get into it, I'll just update you guys on my pretty boring holidays so far.

What follows is pretty much all that has happened to me in the past month or so. It's been so uneventful that I can actually list out...

Before I head off into Pokemon Hibernation

My first year of University has just come to an end, and to be honest I don't feel happy as I want to be. Here's this 'nice' long three month break ahead of me, but to me it just feels like a huge abyss that I'm about to drop right into.

I'm almost dreading this nice long holiday. 

Well I'm the type of guy that can't take a break without earning it by working hard. And honestly, I haven't worked hard enough at Uni this year to deserve such a long break.

I almost want to hop right back into Uni, not because I like the stress from assignments/exams, but because the absence of them leaves a void in my life; one that I feel is worse than the struggles of studying.

Cathedrals

So one of my favourite bands, Tenth Avenue North, dropped a new record today and no, this post is not about that.

But nonetheless, I do think you should check it out, it's called "Cathedrals".

The main idea of the album that really caught my attention was the fact that we were "not meant to be alone", we need to be in a community. And as I look back in this year, I have longed for such a thing, but never really got it.

So I guess this is gonna turn into a rant about how anti-social I've become.
Here goes.

A New Direction

I'm about to write this with no direction or inspiration whatsoever.
I just want to write.

Well it seems appropriate to address the past and future of this blog as I feel what I wrote in the past was due to a conviction I no longer have.

One truth I can say about all the past posts was they were somewhat "censored".
I was never completely honest.

Final Testament Part I: The Seed

Prologue:

As I prepare to write this, I find myself reading through my older posts, trying to find a way to start this off. I realise I was once so convicted to this one thing, so inspired.

I am sad to say that that's the past now.
All those thoughts, those ideas, those lessons learnt may have shaped me into who I am today, but I have decided to leave all those behind to embrace a new perspective.

It has definitely been a good run.
_______


One night, sometime towards the end of last year not long before my 18th birthday, I was thinking critically about random things like I quite often find myself doing late at night.

There was this one thought that struck me and kept me pondering late at night for many nights to come.

"Would I ever be allowed not to go to church?"

Final Testament Part II: Revolution

In the beginning was a perfect world.
Everything was in a state of bliss.

Then suddenly, it seemed all too good to be true.

We screwed things up by rebelling.
Everything came crashing down.
Sin came into the world along with pain and suffering.

It was all because God gave us a choice.

Final Testament Part III: Living a Lie

I am sorry.
I didn't come out about this earlier.

I'm sure I will have hurt many of you.
I have lied, I have let you down, I have deceived.
No apology can make up for it.

But I am deeply sorry.

I was arrogant.
I didn't know how to stop until it was too late.

Final Testament Part IV: A New Age

All chains will be broken.
The monster will be unleashed.

It may wreak havoc.
It may bring itself to ruins.
Or it just may...
just may,

just may show that it can become something beautiful.

Harnessing Positive Energy

There's probably no other way to start this than to clarify what seems to be a dead blog.

I know, I haven't posted anything in forever, and I am well aware about it.

So a good place to start would probably be how I've been, as selfish as it sounds.

"so how are you Jono?" 

No Data

For me being a person that generally despises technology a lot of the time, it's really quite hard not to conform to it. Yes, I've become one of 'those' have this desire to check Facebook notifications and tweet often.., though how much I despise the act of doing so...

Being too humble becomes prideful?

"Oh, you're just being modest"

Modestly seems to be quite the thing these days.

It's so overused, I sometimes wonder if it's become somewhat self-destructive, being the opposite of what it's meant to mean. From being humble & selfless, to something along the lines of being prideful or even selfish?

The Crossroads

"Anyone who isn't with me opposes me, and anyone who isn't working with me is actually working against me." - Matthew 12:30 NLT

I have to be dead honest, I haven't exactly been with Christ lately.

Yea, I read a few verses of the Bible each day. I spend a few minutes think about them & let them inspire me for a few seconds.

I talk to Him each day like a good buddy that's with me wherever I am. I pour out all my problems to Him, expecting some sort of clearance. I tell Him how great & awesome He is whenever I find the time...

I serve Him at church. Lead a youth group & lead others to worship Him. I actually enjoy it myself, but I'm not sure if He does.

I love things that are related to Him, blogs, music, festivals. But I never see or hear from Him directly in these things...

If all this doesn't mean I'm with Christ, how on earth do I be with Him then?!