To make it easier on myself, I'll probably be starting with actual life updates while I hopefully get back into the groove of blogging again.
To be honest, I probably shouldn't be here writing procrastinative thoughts, but this is better than actually procrastinating right?
Anyways, it's like quarter past into this semester I believe.
Time has gone ridiculously fast.
I remember trying to figure out how I was gonna start a convo with a girl in one of my lectures that always sits next to me last week, then *bam*, the week's over and I didn't even get the chance to do so. She's missed the lecture a few times or she comes in just as the lecture starts so bummer...
Other than that, Uni has pretty much been exactly as it is, supposedly strenuous and stressful. But to be honest, even though I was hit pretty hard the first week without being aware of it, overall, I've been way too chilled.
Chilled not in a good sense, but the *letting the unending amounts of work pile on top of me and pretending it's not there* type of chilled. I've got to wake up, I realise.
I'm trying to enjoy life way too much.
Being second year means a new batch of newbies joining us. It's been pretty cool as I've been able to catch up with a childhood friend of mine on a weekly basis. So yea, I'm actually trying my best to have a social life this year instead of hiding in a hole like last year.
The past weekend, I just had my first field trip, and I have to admit I was partially dreading it cause you know, Uni in the weekend... but so far it's definitely been a highlight of Uni this semester!
I had to wake up at 7am for an hour drive to the site, so the waking up part was pretty horrendous, but the nice drive made up for it.
There's something so so so serene about arriving at a quiet beach early on a Saturday morning and just sitting there taking in the ocean. I cannot describe it with words, you just gotta try it out sometime.
Getting into groups was gonna be very interesting again... "what kinda people am I gonna get", "will I get along with them", etc... I just went with whatever and followed 'the flow'...
Well luckily it went pretty smoothly. I ended up with an awesome group, everyone was super friendly and easy to get along with.
I pretty much got to hang out with everyone in my group.
But damn, there was this American girl, she had such a nice accent and I have to admit that wasn't all I fancied about her haha...
Other than counting up hundreds of almost microscopic shells (periwinkles - I hate them now), I got to really 'feel like an ecologist' when I volunteered myself to dive twelve meters into the bush to make the transect line for the group.
There were vines and branches everywhere, not to mention the huge spider webs and the risk of stepping on wasp's nests *gasps*, I felt like I was in one of those laser line security systems trying not to touch anything.
But it was quite an experience, 'slightly' out of my comfort zone.
All in all, that trip reminded me of why I put up with all the exams and assignments. It makes everything about Uni so much more worth it.
So yes, I have been pretty darn chilled on the outside, but if I was completely honest, I've been slowly deteriorating on the inside...
I noticed that when I'm stressed, alot of the time to release the stress I do things that instead make myself more stressed than I was in the first place.
Example: Food.
First week of Uni, I hadn't prepared a lunchbox routine. I ended up getting home every night starving and engulfing anything "pleasing to my eyes" until I 'felt better'. (mostly junk food) It was horribly ridiculous.
And yes, it may have made me feel better at that moment, but it was not a solution in the end, and instead caused a bigger problem. I had just done my body a huge disfavour.
That has been one of my biggest turn to's recently.
I'm sure there are many other examples, drinking, drugs, casual sex, gaming...
We're just... drawn to all this crap..
It's so silly, my natural instinct when I'm feeling sh*t is to go find some sort of cheap release that ends up making me feeling even worse.
Throughout this ordeal, it's really reminded me of how vulnerable I am. There certainly IS an amount of crap I can take before I completely break down.
We are not invincible.
We aren't machines made to ingest poison without being affected.
We are humans, we were made vulnerable for a reason, because we're made for something so much better than the stuff we constantly feed ourselves.
Being vulnerable and recognising it gives us a chance to break out of this ridiculous habit and choose something better.
Lately I've been driving alot as my release. Last weekend I took a huge detour while I was out west to the west coast beaches. It was a lonely drive, but I had such a nice swim, it was well needed.
Working out has also been a very successful release for me in the past. It breaks down stress through rigorous pushing of the body and mind and brings out a huge sense of accomplishment which brings one up to an elevated state.
Whatever you're going through right now, I hope you acknowledge your weakness, and take pride in it. It's because of our weakness that we can make the choice of something better for ourselves.
We're not invincible, and we shouldn't be.
Until next time~
Mirrors - Archers Rise
Birds - Deas Vail
No Reason to Pretend - Aaron Sprinkle
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