All chains will be broken.
The monster will be unleashed.
It may wreak havoc.
It may bring itself to ruins.
Or it just may...
just may,
just may show that it can become something beautiful.
So I've made my choice.
There is no going back.
My mind is set.
I have decided.
I owe you my reasons at the very least:
I hope to gain a wider perspective, to allow it to widen without constraint, and to see and think things I might not have been able to see before. I also wish to have a perspective that's unbiased, that's uninfluenced by all my upbringings. To think critically for myself.
I believe experiencing the absence of something is important in exemplifying it's initial importance - if it was really important in the first place. If God really is of such great importance, I believe that the absence of Him will help me realise of how great utmost importance He is for my life - to a greater degree than when I first knew Him.
I wish to embrace the fall. To see the world and myself for who I really am without the sugar coating of a Christian upbringing. To let the evils of this world bring me down and destroy me, so that Christ may bring me up and rebuild me. I truly believe that God let sin into the world so perfectly that it would bring out His grace even more so perfectly.
I probably sound very contradictory.
One moment I hope that this may bring me closer to God, but at the same time I am choosing to leave Him for the world. But I believe this is truly necessary for me to come back burning with a utmost blatant passion for this thing that may truly matter.
I must be lost to be found.
I must fail to succeed,
I must die to live again.
I truly believe that at the end of the day, all will lead back to God. Wherever I fall, however I fall, how far I fall - God will be there. It is a risk I have to take for myself.
I need to fall so He can pick me up.
I am also sad to say the way I was brought up has been just that.
I may have had many passionate convictions, but they were all staged; it was inevitable I was going to commit to this one thing if all I'd ever been exposed to lead straight to it.
I hold nothing against the church.
It has been a good run.
It has shaped me into the person who I am today.
The people have been kind.
They have constantly shown nothing but love.
But this is where it ends for me in the hopes that I may one day return; humbled, broken and rebuilt, lost and found, and welcomed back.
Until next time.
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