My first year of University has just come to an end, and to be honest I don't feel happy as I want to be. Here's this 'nice' long three month break ahead of me, but to me it just feels like a huge abyss that I'm about to drop right into.
I'm almost dreading this nice long holiday.
Well I'm the type of guy that can't take a break without earning it by working hard. And honestly, I haven't worked hard enough at Uni this year to deserve such a long break.
I almost want to hop right back into Uni, not because I like the stress from assignments/exams, but because the absence of them leaves a void in my life; one that I feel is worse than the struggles of studying.
Well this really isn't about the fact that I have nothing to do on my break.
In fact I already have plans, which is what worries me.
I know for a fact that I'm just going to end up playing Pokemon on end for the next three months.
I do like Pokemon, I can't deny that.
Actually, that was a major understatement.
I have an obsession with Pokemon.
But this obsession doesn't mean I play mindlessly. In fact as I got back into it this year, I've been quite mindful about my playing habits - and that is what has gotten me writing this today.
I still remember my mindless obsession with Pokemon back in the day.
My parents used to be quite restrictive on my gaming time as a kid, so naturally as an addict, the 1-2 hours they allowed me to play weren't enough.
I remember staying up till my parent's had fallen asleep and sneaking out to my dad's desk to grab the gameboy. Then I'd play the whole night and return it just before they would wake up.
I was that desperate.
And as I wasn't ninja back then, I did get caught. Apparently my dad could tell that my mental health was dropping when I would continually sneak play for a few nights on end, and eventually he knew something was up.
I swear there were also times when I tried to sneak play in broad daylight and they'd walk into my room and catch me red-handed.
Good times.
But anyways, back then, I was a kid that just wanted to play video games.
That was it.
I think for me these days, it's a bit more than that.
I do play cause it's fun and I enjoy it, but more than that, it takes my mind off other things.
It allows me to be oblivious to all the things around me. It takes my mind off the worries, the depressing thoughts, sometimes even responsibility.
It allows me to escape the world.
But yea, as I mentioned before, I'm dead scared of this three month hole in my life. I've lost purpose, what should I do with my time?
So while I don't know, I guess I'll just lock myself in my room and play pokemon.
And feel as guilty as ever for wasting my life.
Because in all honesty, I don't just want to play pokemon.
Until next time~
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