I was having these thoughts last night & decided to take them down..
"I've been completely carefree this past week or so..
I've been living life as it comes, sometimes intentionally allowing the monster within me control of my life.
I do hate it.. it makes me feel good about life temporarily, but afterwards, so many worries I ignored before accumulates & completely kills me.
But, I realized.. there is one thing I really do like about this.
It keeps me from bothering to interact with anyone, I'm able shut out all relationships in my life.
It makes me feel that I can finally live life by myself, that i don't need the love I otherwise desire.
Maybe that's who I really am, someone that was made for noone.
I enjoy that thought. It allows me to see friendships as a burden. As I invest more into into them, some time & love will be exchanged. With love sometimes comes jealousy. It also becomes something that I must maintain, or else it will gradually fade. It's really so troublesome.
Well, unless of course I've already spent a considerable amount of time into a relationship such that it cannot be ruined whatsoever, but that's a type of relationship I don't think i have yet."
That's basically as much of my thoughts I could type out before my arms started dying from holding my phone (while lying down). Oh and on top of that, I had more or less a completely restless night, pretty "fun".
That's it.
Godbless~
P.S. those thoughts were written with my emotions running freely, I let them get the best of me at that time, it's still part of me, but may not be for the time being.
P.S. those thoughts were written with my emotions running freely, I let them get the best of me at that time, it's still part of me, but may not be for the time being.
Nine Lashes - The Void
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